symbols, meaningless art
without definition of each part;
each caret, tilde, flourished tail
the ink that slips to leave a trail

papers blink through smog trees
entwined absolutely in code leaves;
outsiders, viewers, strangers each
here stopped, then left beyond our reach

what did we say to them,
as an avaricious foe or friend?
our icy hands could not relate
and glossaries have come too late

what will we say today
if an opportunity betrays
a second glance; will we delay
and tell them what we meant to say?

Stopping the silence

Hello, again!  Three weeks of plot twists make a mouthful of silence.  A good silence, thankfully.  I've just got past the tip of an iceberg, rather early in the year.

February has been exceptionally busy.  Seahawks, Olympics, and Downton Abbey, of course.  :)  And having a cold, and a laptop failure, and an internship.  Even now, I should be catching up on homework (due tonight, indeed).

But I had to take a minute to tell you everything is ok, and that your comments and prayers have been a blessing to me.   I've been writing a little bit.  Something is better than nothing.  This past week, I've also found encouragement from unexpected sources.  There are still a lot of questions on my mind, but even in the middle of this, there are answers, and I'm so grateful for them.

We were in Joann's the other day, and guess what started playing after we walked in?

Acceptive perspective

Still fighting the doldrums.  It's a weird situation, which I am trying to turn around by treating it as a learning experience.  How to combat to not freak out about things.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am happy.  Let me explain.  I think of true, substantive happiness as being attitude first and circumstances second.  Both, of course, but in that order.  Circumstances for me are not always perfect, but overall they are good. My attitude, on the other hand, often needs some reminding.

What does it mean to be happy?  For that matter, what does it mean to live?

So many lives revolve around us in the world.  I am awestruck by those who, by choice, stick to one path.  That's self-discipline.  (Where can I get that?)  The irony being, I am one of them already.  Naturally inclined to a single path.  Not too fond of change for the sake of change.  One more irony: I don't see myself that way.  In fact, I see myself as very prone to boredom.

Supposing you are at place - like now, for example - where you are unmotivated and discouraged.  It's not magic, but consciously taking time to adjust attitude helps a little.  I remember fondly a piece of 'anti-comfort' someone once told me, "You have lots to be happy about."  That will ring in my head ever-after.  It is true, of course.

For one, I am inexpressibly grateful I live in this time and place.  As often as college is a pain, I would rather go there forever, gladly, than live in a time/place where there is no option.  If I lived only a hundred years ago, what would I be?  Mostly likely, unhappy in circumstances.  And what have I done to deserve this privilege?

I try too hard, take too much for granted, in general.  There is something greater to live up to, and for better reasons.